My head has been in the clouds for an extended period of time now. I’ve experienced these lapses of responsibility before but for some strange reason this bout of sloth has lasted for a couple of months. Remember “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?” It’s been like, "Breeze Vincinz’s Couple Of Months Off". Just about everyday I wake up and step outside and say, “It is just too good of a day to go to work today.” And I guess the kicker is, I truly believe it. I feel like such a sucker, you know. It’s this perfect Los Angles sunny day with a million things to do and see and there I am, shuffling through the public transportation system to get to my [big gasp] office. I could be dancing in the drum circle in Venice or sneaking into a movie at the Crenshaw mall or drinking margaritas in some outdoor café in West Hollywood but nooooooooooooooo… there are reports to be done, numbers to be crunched, and a seat to be filled otherwise my company’s BAUIMB (Bitches All Up In My Business) will have a heart attack that I have found some sort of joy throughout the day. I love my job, I really do, but it is a job… complete with water cooler talk and office politics. Two years ago I caught a cold during my Christmas vacation and decided to take an extra day off to “drain”. Would you believe the BAUIMBs are STILL talking about that?
“Now don’t be taking no extra days off of work like you ALWAYS do.”
Not for nothing, but maybe those Columbine kids had something there.
Everything just seems so small and insignificant nowadays. Everybody seems to be rushing around or putting in this effort to be seen in the best possible light and for some reason I can not seem to get with the program. I feel like Ford Perfect at the beginning of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” where everybody is so concerned about paying bills or reclaiming old debts and I’m like, “Dude, world’s gonna explode in about twelve minutes, who gives a fuck.”
And that’s really all we have you know, twelve minutes. Or at least that’s how it feels. I’m pretty sure it’s what a lot of people close to death feel. “How can I go now, it’s only been twelve minutes.” I just don’t want to waste mine trying to find the perfect outfit.
But then again, what do you want to waste your time doing if you only have twelve minutes of existence? I remember feeling this small when I was in El Polo Loco one day. There was this sign that read, “Ten Tacos for $2.99!” It was the exclamation point that got me.
I wondered who the exclamation point was directed to. Whose life did they feel they could improve upon by offering reduced price tacos? Am I that guy? Am I, in all reality, not the keeper of some hidden talent or world changing agenda but some schmuck just like all the other schmucks eating tacos on El Segundo and Avalon who should be amazed at the possibility of eating more tacos… at a reduced price… !
Is this how the world sees me? Schmuck taco eater? I wasn’t presented with “The Lord has plans for you!” or “I see God in you!” or “Human Rights rally tomorrow!” or “Reparations for all African Americans!” or “Life is the new aphrodisiac!” but rather… “Ten Tacos for $2.99!”
Somehow… it all just felt so very… wrong.
I imagine I am going through some offset of a mid-life crisis but I can’t fully claim that considering the fact I don’t think I fully escaped puberty. It’s quite the amalgam really. I’m still learning proper social skills but I’m too disgruntled to care. I have this burgeoning fascination with life despite the fact I feel it’s somewhat pointless.
“The hills are alive with the sound of music… I think the Nazis have found us…”
I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again, I need an aura enema. Clean out all of these incongruities and duplicities and start anew. I went to a Tori Amos concert not too long ago and that sort of helped. I don’t like this new disc she has out now “The Beekeeper” and she played an extended version the title song on an old Hammond organ in a auditorium full of annoying and sarcastic White college kids who couldn’t decide if she was cool or not but figured it would make good fodder when discussing it afterwards at the only Starbucks that was open at the time.
“I think she is the manifestation of the modern day female ego as it becomes the phoenix out of the ashes and transcends from a state of docility into positions of independence and virility while maintaining the fundamental essence of the feminine mystique and using it as both her scar and shield and I was so happy that she played ‘Cornflake Girl’ because that song fucking ROCKS!”
I imagine Tori isn’t going to hit the Los Angeles area anytime soon so I’m going to need some other stimuli to clean out my insides.
Though Alana Davis is coming next month!
Lenny Kravitz will be here in a couple of weeks!