Just have to say, afternoons and sunset are becoming my most favorite part of the day. I was never keen on this time. Actually, they always freaked me out. I remember this video game in which the season was "Eternal Autumn," which meant the background was forever orange with yellow dying leaves, and the sun was permanently set just above the horizon casting long shadows against a darkening tangerine-colored sky. I always felt the scenario was the perfect backdrop to ominous and terrifying events. Nowadays, I find the whole scene warm, inviting, and highly sexual in an "adult" way. I think of warm breezes against falling autumn leaves and a setting sun, and I automatically conjure up ideas of drinking a cup of herbal tea with my significant other on our porch, laughing and talking with each other with our cat and dog sleeping in the grass. And maybe right before the sun goes completely down, we go inside and just fuck our brains out on the couch.
This brings me to Nate. I once pontificated about how he could be the greatest love of my life, and I stick by that sentiment. As far as his current storyline, I told him to never contact me again. He contacted me again. We met at the parking lot that I usually go to relax and contemplate life. It could be the fact that I have not had human contact in close to a year, or it could be the fact that it's true, but I declared my undying love for him. I told him I loved him from the first time I saw him… like in 2002 or something like that. Did not help that he looked incredibly handsome at the time or the fact I was terrified of touching him because of this goddamn pandemic. We never kissed. We never touched. We did cry at different times, talking about different areas of our lives. It was heartbreaking seeing him go. I remember tearing up when I started the car because I knew it had to be done, and I would have to be the one to end it first.
There is a whole other story that led to this meeting, but the solace I assumed he earned in Phoenix fell through with his usual annoyingly predictable song and dance. The lyrics of the song go something like this,
The woman I'm staying with
She's a bitch
She's crazy
She's a witch
I don't know what to do
I'm crying
I'm desperate
I'm trying
This wasn't my fault this time
I did would I could